I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
porn star boner night. come get it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
