I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
