I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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