just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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