listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
