Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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