I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
