i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
