I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
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i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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