There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
