Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
