I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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