I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
