remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize