there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
