this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
