She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
