tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
