phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
