Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize