Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
