im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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