Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize