Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
