I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
