A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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