so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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