Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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