did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
