for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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