true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
