I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
