he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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