Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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