this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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