If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
