You can't motorboat a personality
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
