She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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