I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
