Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
