make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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