I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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