so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
