Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
