Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
