he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
