so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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