Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
