Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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