Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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