just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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