Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
