You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
In America we eat man semen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
