I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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