Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize
