I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
