This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
