Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you traded sex for a burrito?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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