i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
