The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
