Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I party with great urgency now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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