No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
