Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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