dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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