The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
