I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
