it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
